frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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