Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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