omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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