At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
