I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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