I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My vagina just clenched in fear
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize