I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
