so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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