I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
