he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize