I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dicks are not precious.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
