I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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