I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
