I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
