would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is the high leading the old right now
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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