can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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