i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
