But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
