Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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