I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
