How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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