I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize