After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
