my phone needs a breathalizer
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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