Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
