Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
