What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize