you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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