He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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