he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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