There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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