It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
