i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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