new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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