youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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