i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
