If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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