I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
