i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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