Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
