i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
