I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
