im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
