I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We don't watch enough power rangers
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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