I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
