oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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