i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
