Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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