I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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