So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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