Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She's the barista slut.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
