Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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