The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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