we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
