Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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