did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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