you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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