I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
