how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
