Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
