I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize