Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
