you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
