Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
