I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
