So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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