we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
