Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Buhtt sex?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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