your room smells of hookers.
And success
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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