Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
