At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
