bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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