I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
