Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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