he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
