I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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