There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
