You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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